Dear Venerable Teacher,

May I ask for a clear explanation regarding why I’ve been holding a grudge against someone for quite some time? I suspect that perhaps I’m entangled by certain thoughts that I haven’t been able to let go of. Although I’ve participated in a few sessions of vipassanā meditation, when I try to absorb your teachings, I realize that I’m leaning more towards samatha meditation.

Currently, I find myself deeply attached to feelings of anger and resentment, which are causing me headaches and stress. Before practicing vipassanā meditation, I was also a resisting individual, closely controlling myself to stay on schedule. However, due to challenges in harmonizing with the work environment and my mother, I often felt exhausted and unstable. I managed to restore myself through my own determination after impactful events. However, I still struggle because I find it challenging to let go of my old self.

I turned to vipassanā meditation with the hope of releasing these attachments, but I haven’t fully grasped the knowing or clearly observed the dhamma in action. I’m also facing difficulty in making the right decisions for myself. Venerable sir, could it be that I’m practicing incorrectly? Is there any guidance you can provide to help me correct my approach, dear Teacher?

ANSWER:

Your mistake lies in hoping that the will or meditation will help you let go of hatred. In reality, hatred can actually aid you in understanding yourself better. Therefore, why not carefully listen to the state of your mind and body, along with the feelings and emotions associated with hatred, in order to truly see yourself? Without truly knowing yourself (the present moment of the body-mind-object), all attempts to solve the problem are in vain.

Most Venerable Puṇṇobhāso Viên Minh (Excerpt from the Q&A Section of trungtamhotong.org)

Translated by Dhammacetiya (PLS)

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